People who don't drink tea 'could just be strange!'

CRAB (Community of Rubbish and Bullshit) have announced that people who don't like tea have 'mutated genes' and 'could be from another planet.'

The English Tea MD spoke exclusively to The Big Pickle News: 'tea is our national drink and those who don't like it are in danger of not being well.' 

A scientist from Oxford university, Doctor Leaf, can back up this claim, 

 'no one really knows this but millions of endorphins are released with each sip of tea. It is the single reason why people sigh after they've finished a good cuppa.'

However, other findings have 'worried' the nation: it's been estimated that 1 out of 20 people claim they don't like tea. And only 47% have actually tried it!  These are 'humiliating' findings according to the World Health Organisation. One health practitioner stated, 'you Brits have gone slack! Tea is the one drink you do well!'

Boris Johnson has been quick to defend the country's tea drinking traditions, 'we're not imbeciles, we will quickly deal with the country's growing disinterest in tea. It will be our number 1 policy.'

Shocking report reveals that men DO believe in the Bin Fairy.

Today, a damning report has surfaced which claims over 90% of men believe in the bin fairy- that every bin in the house is somehow emptied by a 'small magical flying creature'.

Millions of women across the UK have collectively rolled their eyes in response to this report. One representative of the Women's Institute commented, 'mothers of the previous generation have spoilt their boys. So now men think fairies do household chores!'

An expert in the field 'worryingly' overheard two men talking in the pub. 'I almost choked on my drink when I overheard them discussing their magic dishwashers!'

Meanwhile, several men have 'hit back' insisting that 'it wasn't their fault!'. Others are 'adamant' that the bin fairy DOES exist. One man insists,  'I have never seen my wife take the bins out. Ever!'

BIG SHOCKER: Teachers ONLY stay in the job because of the holidays!

'Devastating' report suggests the worst scenario: teachers LOVE their time off!  

Plus, statistics and questionnaires carried out across the country point to the same conclusion:  all that every teacher thinks about is August!

One Head Teacher from Essex 'could not see this coming' as he expressed his disappointment about the findings. 'Teachers should live and breathe their job- you're not a real teacher unless you mark in your sleep and read the TES.' Unfortunately, the Head teacher could not speak any further as he'd been 'forced' to teach French and Maths, 'I just can't get the staff,' he admitted.

Other Head Teachers have refused to comment but OFSTED have spoken exclusively to The Big Pickle News, 'we need more rigorous assessment of our teachers. A lie detector will be introduced where we test a teacher's dedication- a REAL teacher works every single day of their holidays!'

Meanwhile, there have been several jokes and memes being shared on social media and some NUT and NASUWT reps have been spotted in A & E having split their sides from 'uncontrollable' laughter. 

Enjoy the fun and follow The Big Pickle News on Facebook.

Woman who eats 1000g of Dairy Milk is 'adamant' that her diet starts tomorrow.

Sarah Biggs, an unfortunate mother of several 'lively' children, insists that she IS on a diet but eating 1000g of Dairy Milk is her 'only way' to get some peace.

She was spotted 'inhaling' the chocolate in the South Woodham Ferrers ASDA while her children sat in the Peppa Pig rocket. One till worker spoke up, 'she just scoffed the whole lot!'

Moments later, one onlooker rushed over to the mother as she spotted that the mother's eyelids had started to flicker, 'I almost began CPR but then she shouted at me.' The lady then told us a 'milder' version- 'Get the Fuck off me Fucking chocolate!' 

One expert in the field of chocolate addiction described what happened to Sarah Biggs as 'going into a chocolate coma'. He warned 'too much chocolate can send the brain into overdrive. This is where the brain starts changing our vision and everything we see turns into a chocolate bar.'

Sarah Biggs has been 'warned' about the consequences of 'inhaling' chocolate. However she insists that her diet is still on, 'I'm gonna start tomorrow.'

Follow the antics of The Big Pickle News.

Gullible woman does cartwheels to make herself look young.

A woman is suffering from a double fracture to both wrists after she tried to do a triple cartwheel in her local park, today.

Kathryn Player (a mother who displays certain 'wally traits') has done extensive research into the benefits of cartwheeling in an attempt to make herself look more youthful. However, according to her mother it hasn't worked, 'it's a damn shame! She still looks her age.'

It was a post on Mumsnet that recommended this 'deluded' woman to perform three cartwheels a day. Kathryn spoke exclusively to The Big Pickle News, 'I hadn't done a cartwheel since 1989. I thought it would be like riding a bike.'

However, onlookers who witnessed the cartwheels have been 'traumatised' by what they saw. One elderly gentlemen told us, 'it was monstrous- legs were flying everywhere! And I think it's a disgrace to all those professional cart wheelers.'

The association of respectful cartwheelers (ARC) has made a statement: 'no one should perform a cartwheel unless they have our expressed permission to do so.'

You can follow The Big Pickle News on Facebook.