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'Elf on the Shelf', the Elf recruitment agency, has complained of 'unfair' working conditions that their elves are increasingly operating under. The Trade unions, such as Candy Care and Santa's Specials, have been drawing up new contract guidelines which may well lead to strikes if they are not adhered to by Santas Inc (the institution which employs these elf actors).
One elf who's been in the business for twenty years is 'exhausted' by the work pace which elves are now subjected to, 'it was so easy to begin with, back in the day. Big people respected every position you took up and were excited if you just moved along the shelf! Now, they whine if you're not throwing the loo roll about!'
One young elf was almost thrown out of the house for 'being boring'. He reports exclusively to The Big Pickle News, 'these 24 hour shifts are exhausting! How can I be original on zero hours sleep? I learnt CLASSICAL acting at drama school, not this silly pose rubbish.'
Santas Inc have refused to comment, although they're currently meeting with Candy Care to discuss ways forward.
Meanwhile, Santa is 'shocked' and 'dismayed', and has reportedly doubled the bonus of every demoralised elf.
