Posts
Yesterday, hundreds of ASDA stores were brought into chaos as card machines froze and tills shut down.
THE BIG PICKLE NEWS can exclusively reveal that it was caused by the I.T Services Director falling asleep and leaving his smart phone (with all its system controls) in the hands of his two year old son.
Mr Grey was trying to fix some of the system failures for Asda but, like many parents, he has suffered chronic sleep deprivation. This can include symptoms such as slurring of speech, wide and confused eyes, and an inability to remember your name and address. And, therefore, the result of this condition is recurrent narcolepsy.
Mr Grey was trying to complete some system checks on his smart phone for all the Asda stores in the South East area but then promptly fell asleep while sitting on his sofa. His wife reports that their two year old son, Tommy, then started to 'press things'. 'Tommy kept on patting the phone and shouting CEEBEBIES!' said his mum, 'I took the phone off him just in time. The water jets in every ASDA store were about to go off!'
Nevertheless, Tommy pressing every button on Mr Grey's phone caused disruption right across Great Britain. The smart phone being hammered and slobbered over resulted in customers being left stranded in stores because the sliding doors would not stop sliding open and shut for the whole afternoon. 'It was like a death trap!' one employee said, whose finger was caught in the door and now might need surgery, 'I had to get out of the store. I had to get home, things are getting good in East Enders!'
