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The Witchfest International reports that the number of American women signing up to Wicca has quadrupled in the last year. Women of all ages 'feel' they need to learn magic in light of Trump's growing popularity. According to the Witchfest survey, women 'fear' that they are 'vulnerable' if Trump wins the election.
A spokesperson for Wiccan International said, 'people are desperate. I mean, we don't go into turning people into toads but we do some powerful stuff! I've made a man drink coffee when he originally wanted tea!'
Meanwhile, Air Traffic control systems are overused and overtired as the number of broomstick flights taking place has also quadrupled. One traffic controller remarked on the 'lack of courtesy' that some of these new witches were displaying, 'none of them stop or wait when they should. I mean, people never used to fly like that ten years ago!'
Trump's spokesman expressed his 'disgust' at so many women turning to witchcraft. 'Trump's not gonna like that! He'll want to get rid of all those witches. How's he gonna grab a woman if they're all on broomsticks?'
The Wiccan spokeswoman has mentioned a new project- their Anti-Trump spell which will work on Trump's inability to 'hear' what a woman wants. 'We aim to remove this disability for Trump and any other man who has impaired hearing.'
