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The government has made a special broadcast that will be aired at 9pm tonight which warns the public 'not to leave the house unless it is absolutely necessary'.
Theresa May is 'deeply concerned' that more disasters are in store and the country is 'too sad' to deal with any further 'setbacks'. Her spokesmen has reported exclusively to The Big Pickle News. He stated, 'people thought the Blitz was bad. But what we now deal with is 21st Century problems: Brexit rage, Twitter anger, and the Exaggerated Fear of the Celebrity Grim Reaper. We just can't cope.'
The government also believes the 'baffling' OBE list for 2017 will also cause 'unnecessary' outrage. Boris Johnson has been frank and honest about the Queen's list: 'she's having a jolly good joke. For crying out loud! Gove is on the list! He's got it for service and dedication to Educational Cock Up! I've cocked up the whole country, so why am I not on the list?'
The queen remains 'tight lipped' on the matter but her butler reported that she 'plans' to remain in Buckingham Palace until the New Year- 'taking heed' of the government's warming and has already 'constructed' her bucket list and advises everyone over 80 to do the same.
The queen remains 'tight lipped' on the matter but her butler reported that she 'plans' to remain in Buckingham Palace until the New Year- 'taking heed' of the government's warming and has already 'constructed' her bucket list and advises everyone over 80 to do the same.
