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For the last 10 days, Bob Dylan has suffered from Ice Flu. Symptoms include: sudden stiffness in joints to immediate paralysis where the sufferer will be frozen to the spot and unable to move. Body temperature can reach subzero temperatures and, unless stimulated by hot water or whale music, victims often never recover.
According to the WHO (World Health Organisation) there has only been three reported cases of Ice Flu. There could be more but the sufferer can never recollect the experience.
Last night, Bob Dylan's agent made a statement: 'It's true. Bob Dylan has been fighting a nasty case of ICE FLU! He was literally frozen to his guitar. Yes, he was speechless but for the last week he literally couldn't move his mouth. It was ice. His tongue is now twice its size!'
On September 5th, Dylan's cleaner (Lillian) found Dylan standing in his conservatory with icicles hanging off his arms and nose. 'I went to prod him and it was like touching a big ice cube.' Lillian Fag-Ash then took her cigarette and attempted to burn through the ice. 'I didn't know what else to do! And all it did was burn a hole in his guitar. Bob was just ice!'
Bob Dylan still doesn't remember the experience but is reportedly 'livid' that he has to replace his million dollar guitar.
