MARMITE LOVERS GO MAD!

After last night's announcement that all supermarkets have decided to stop selling Marmite, roads have grounded to a halt as thousands have rushed to their nearest supermarket in an attempt to buy the last Marmite pot. 

Theresa May has been having emergency talks with each of the supermarket CEOs to find out what happened in their discussions with Unilever. But they all remain tight-lipped.


Meanwhile, it has been calculated that only 245 Marmite pots are left. There have been reports of the 'mad rush' where people have rugby-tackled old ladies to get hold of some Marmite. One manager at Morrisons had to call the police. 'It was terrifying! There were people trying to take selfies with the very last Marmite on the shelf.  Old men were stealing shopping bags from people's trolleys! We had to go into Lock Down!'


Last night, Tesco's CEO (Dave Simpson) announced, 'with regret we have made this decision. I can't tell you why we did it, but my book's out next month so you can read about it then.'

Unilever demonstrated more sympathy: earlier, a spokesman for the company announced that the Marmite Mourn Line would open at exactly 21.00 tonight.

'People will now have their voices heard. Soon, Marmite will no longer be in our lives and we have hired the top psychiatrists to help the British Public in their time of mourning.'



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