Clairvoyant makes prediction: 'Brexit MIGHT NOT BE TOO BAD!'

Last night, a clairvoyant from Essex (the old ancient home of many witches) made an important prediction: "Britain MIGHT not become bankrupt after Brexit! Trade MIGHT go ahead, after all."

Many people- educated from the University of Life- 'scoffed' and 'berated' such a notion, 'Of course it'll be bad. Every newspaper agrees: we're all DOOMED!'

Meanwhile, a few tories 'really hope' that Teresa May- or Boris- can 'hash up' some sort of deal before Christmas. "Boris has the power to draw up a deal. Europe- particularly the Germans- take him VERY seriously."

Therefore, we should not be too morbid: even though movement across Europe, skilled workers in the uk and trade will be significantly reduced, holidays to Skegness, and Walton on the Naze will become extremely popular. Holidays will be alot easier- no one will need to eat any foreign food, they can have chips morning, noon and night!'

Clairvoyant makes 'bleeding obvious' predictions.

Mystic Greg (son of Mystic Meg from the 90s) has been hired by the UK government to make predictions about the UK financial markets to help the government plan for a 'solid' Brexit.  And Mystic Greg predicts that markets will suffer 'turbulence' and 'uncertainty' leading up to Article 50. 

Boris Johnson has made a statement, 'Greg's a jolly good fellow.  He sat us down and told us A LOT of things: how we'd better watch out for Trump, that Putin has probably got it in for Obama and that Italy doesn't like me. All in all he's been very helpful as we would NEVER have guessed these things.' Boris is now discussing these 'valuable' findings with Theresa May and will be making plans for the 2017 Brexit.

Other countries have been 'impressed' with the UK's 'innovative' strategies in trying to predict what might happen next year and are 'seriously' considering finding their own semi-professional clairvoyant. Merkel's spokesmen reportedly said that the next time Theresa May was in Brussels she 'might not ignore her' as Britain still has some 'valuable ideas to contribute.'

However, Mystic Greg has 'examined' this claim and predicts that 'it is unlikely to happen.'