Woman has 'break down' after a long battle with Blue tac on the wall.

Sharon Davies, an office worker in Islington, was 'screaming' and throwing the staple gun at the wall yesterday afternoon. We caught her as she was being frogmarched out of the building by security: 'I can't stand it anymore. The friggin Blue tac won't come off the wall!'

Blue tac has become the number one 'pet hate' in the office: it takes several whole minutes to scrape off from the wall and then you find hundreds of other bits!   According to one study, 40% of office workers experience dizzy spells and blood pressure that reaches 'boiling point' when they are faced with a wall covered in Blue tac.

However, office worker enthusiast (David Mtchelle) believes that there are bigger 'more important' office grievances to discuss: 'this study has clearly forgotten how people hate the office swot, how they despise that lazy boss and how finding the biscuit barrel empty can really drive you mad.'

An expert in Blue tac (a Blue-tacian) has some valuable comments about the matter: 'Blue tac feels that it is now defunct, so when it DOES get used it doesn't want to let go of the wall. To ease it off, just talk to it.'

Research suggests that before the digital age, Blue tac was needed: it secured displays, it stuck profit margin sheets to a white board and it could even stick your heel to your shoe in an emergency. 

Clairvoyant makes 'bleeding obvious' predictions.

Mystic Greg (son of Mystic Meg from the 90s) has been hired by the UK government to make predictions about the UK financial markets to help the government plan for a 'solid' Brexit.  And Mystic Greg predicts that markets will suffer 'turbulence' and 'uncertainty' leading up to Article 50. 

Boris Johnson has made a statement, 'Greg's a jolly good fellow.  He sat us down and told us A LOT of things: how we'd better watch out for Trump, that Putin has probably got it in for Obama and that Italy doesn't like me. All in all he's been very helpful as we would NEVER have guessed these things.' Boris is now discussing these 'valuable' findings with Theresa May and will be making plans for the 2017 Brexit.

Other countries have been 'impressed' with the UK's 'innovative' strategies in trying to predict what might happen next year and are 'seriously' considering finding their own semi-professional clairvoyant. Merkel's spokesmen reportedly said that the next time Theresa May was in Brussels she 'might not ignore her' as Britain still has some 'valuable ideas to contribute.'

However, Mystic Greg has 'examined' this claim and predicts that 'it is unlikely to happen.'