Cakes and happiness banned from the workplace.

Today, the Health Minister has stated that all cakes and sugary foods will be 'banned' from offices where any type of 'business activity' is taking place.

This new initiative has sent 'shock waves' across the big companies and financial markets in London. One FTSE expert stated, 'not having the office cakes will have serious consequences- low morale can devastate productivity.'

One expert in 'Pure Happiness' spoke exclusively to The Big Pickle News, 'it's really quite concerning. Cakes provide a satisfying sensation on the tongue and in the stomach. And don't underestimate the endorphins that are released when one unclasps the plastic box containing chocolate flapjacks.' 

The initiative comes after the Dentistry Watch Dog produced a programme on how all the cakes are 'making us wobble' and making our breath 'stink'. The narrator of the programme stated, 'cakes increase our fat and rot our teeth. We've got to stop eating cakes before we're too fat to fit through the office door.'

However, Delia Smith and Mary Berry have joined forces in their campaign to stop the Health Minister and plan to deliver homemade cakes to every office in the UK in their bid to 'make clear' how valuable to the economy a good cake can be. 

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Mrs Kipling demands her share of the profits!

Mr Kipling's mum has publicly accused her son of 'stealing' her recipes. A lady in her late sixties announced on Twitter who she was and an hour later #angrymamakipling was trending. 

Last night, Mrs Kipling made her first public appearance on the One Show and declared, 'I want the world to know who is REALLY behind those tasty Angel Cakes. The Crusty Loaf in Maldon is where all the Kipling recipes are born!'

Hours later, Mr Kipling called 'This Morning' and asked to speak to Philip Schofield. He declined to come on the show as he wanted the press to 'respect his privacy.' He made a statement on the phone,  'Mum had a bump to the head six months ago and we can conclude, therefore, that she's now lost some brain cells.  She's a raisin short of a Chelsea Bun!'

However, residents who live along Spital Road in Maldon have confirmed that what Mrs Kipling said 'could be true.' One resident reported, 'I do see large boxes come out of her bakery every Monday, about five in the morning, and recently I've seen crates of Elf slices outside her bakery door. A black lorry then arrives about ten past five and takes them away.  It's all very strange!' 

It is predicted that every resident in Maldon will participate in 'curtain twitching' next week, on Monday morning, at five.