The Tupperware conspiracy theory IS true: the little lids DO hide from you!

Research carried out in millions of homes across the UK has made a phenomenal discovery: Tupperware and their lids have 'micro little legs and can walk and climb out of the house!'

Lead researcher, Mr Tubby, has studied Tupperware sets over the course of 3 years. He spoke exclusively to The Big Pickle News: 'lids of all shapes and sizes make a run for it as soon as the lights go out! Many go out through the cat flap, or a window, never to be seen again!'

The Tupperware factories have called the discovery 'absurd' and stated that if people were able to put their Tupperware lids 'in one place' then they would know where to find them.

Meanwhile, in Dorset, according to Dave Pinktin, all the disappearing lids are blamed on him, 'every bloody time!' And he can state, quite honestly, that he has no idea 'where the f*ck the lid is!'

Over 50% of us will suffer from Festive 'Grinch Rage', this year.

According to a study carried out by North Pole Elves, over half of us have suffered from 'uncontrollable rage' whenever we have seen Christmas 'paraphernalia' on the shop shelves, because 'it's too soon', and 'not bloody Christmas, yet!'

Symptoms of Grinch Rage can include a burning sensation under your skin (due to your blood pressure reaching boiling point), steam emitting from one's nostrils, spit flying everywhere and your eyesight being distorted by a red mist!

Nora Battie from Chelmsford says that every time she goes into Sainsbury's she has an 'uncontrollable twitch' because all she can see is advent calendars and mince pies. Yesterday, she punched a till worker because he asked if she'd 'possibly' seen the Christmas jumpers.

Dave Poorgit spoke exclusively to The Big Pickle News: 'the customer looked a bit red so I took pity on her- thought she might be going through one of those menopausal hot flushes- so I was just trying to make conversation about Chistmas.
I now need to see the dentist. URGENTLY!

Meanwhile, The World Health Organisation is 'frantically' trying to find a non drug type sedative for Grinch Rage so that shop workers can 'remain safe'. 

50% of those who put on weight 'blame it on the tumbledrier!'

According to F.F.S (Fat Fighters Society) many people who put on weight 'go into denial' and forget that the packet of Hobnobs which they 'hoover up' every evening contains those 'anti-skinny' ingredients called calories.

It's called S.A.D (Sugar abnormality Denial) where someone will gorge on sugary foods but will not see or admit what they're doing. 'It's a real problem' says Dr Spoon from Leeds university, 'until people can face up to S.A.D nothing will change. IT IS NOT the tumble drier's fault!'

'It's true,' said Jane Gotitright, from Primark in Chelmsford, who has a degree in S.A.D: 'People who are suffer from S.A.D might order a Full English but genuinely believe they've ordered something healthy like cabbage soup. It can cause real problems.'