Woman who eats sawdust and mud 'delights' in her dramatic weight loss.

Audrey Fick claims to have lost 'five stone' through her sawdust and mud diet: 'I've tried other diets but they don't seem to work- they make you eat 'real food'. I had to come up with my own plan. The trick is to eat empty calories!'

Health expert Mr Cake is 'unsure' about Mrs Fick's diet plan.  He referred to it as 'barbaric' and 'unbecoming!' 'No woman should be allowed to eat mud!' 

The World's Health Organisation explains that 'although sawdust and mud can provide empty calories, they can also cause stomach ulcers and intestine blockages.'

Meanwhile, Mrs Fick has several thousand Facebook and Twitter followers who 'swear by' her diet plan.  Mrs Fick insists that it works even though, last night, Mr Fick (her husband) went into hospital to have his stomach pumped from all the toxins in his diet. He spoke exclusively to The Big Pickle News and is still fully behind the diet: 'tasty and nutricious dishes can be made from sawdust and mud- I had sawdust and worm crumble, the other day. The worms eat all the calories!'

For more of this satirical nonsense, follow The Big Pickle News on Facebook.