Cats pooing on your front lawn is number one reason why neighbours come to blows.

According to K.N.O.B.S (Keeping Neighbours Of Britain Safe) cat poo on your front lawn is the 'most likely' reason why neighbours come to blows. 

An expert in Neighbourly Harmony believes  that it is due to the 'revolting' smell of cat poo which makes a person's blood 'literally boil' when they spot a cat turd.

An expert in all things 'cat' , Doctor Mog, admits that it's the sheer 'belligerence' of cats which can really get up people's noses! One house owner, who can not be named for legal reasons, spoke to our news team: 'I almost drove into my front window when I spotted next door's cat doing its business just outside my front door!'

The study also revealed other 'bones' of contention between neighbours. Some of them included: parking in the wrong space, not offering to put the bins out, teenagers playing music out of an open window, talking too long while you're supposed to be mowing the lawn, not talking enough when you both get into your car to go to work in the morning and allowing the smell of bacon to waft down your street.  All of the above were amongst many reasons why some neighbours just don't get on.

Mr Brown (the spokesman for Neighbourly Harmony) insists that the key to neighbourly friendship is 'to control your cat.'

Shopping centres are filled with men!

Across the country, thousands of men are out shopping. The sight of so many men in a shop is a 'rare and beautiful' event states one expert who specialises in Male Retail habits. 'They walk with purpose as they approach the escalator; they exchange glances with the man behind them and there is a knowing look- sometimes even a chuckle.'

However, this annual event can also witness 'distress and confusion' amongst male shoppers. Some look 'dazed' while others are 'wide-eyed and jittery' reports one John Lewis manager who has witnessed twenty Christmas Eves in his lifetime, 'others have the panic look- delayed Christmas Panic Syndrome- where we must alert our medical team just in case the man's panic leads to a seizure.'

Also, the annual event can result in 'unpredictable' behaviour in women across the country, reports a Christmas Shopping expert from Oxford University. 'Some women feel slightly anxious if they suspect a present apocalypse approaching or desperately excited if they believe they might receive a wedding proposal. In these cases the woman will have dilated pupils, sweaty palms and a propensity to forget all her Christmas plans. But, thankfully, these symptoms only last for an hour.'

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