Obsessively counting your steps is a sure sign you 'suck' at Maths.

Extensive research into the type of customer who buys a fitbit has revealed that those who can't stop counting steps 'struggle' with basic addition.

Tracy, from Canvey, has always struggled with her counting since she was a 'wee nipper'. 'I always struggled with counting then I realised why- one day it dawned on me- that I only had nine toes when everyone else had ten! In Canvey, A LOT of people only have nine toes.

Meanwhile, a fitness specialist from Loughborough university, Doctor Ports, has made a public statement: 'Fit bits mean anyone can keep fit- even those who eat burgers all day can still claim to be a bit fit! Why knock it?'

The World Health Organisation has insisted that one should not 'give a rat's FAT arse' about what the critics say, 'counting your steps means people have GREAT maths skills. Counting to ten thousand is quite an achievement!'

Christmas is over- every man on earth wants to join the gym.

Today, every human who's eaten their weight in chocolate, pies and wine will go to their local gym in an attempt to burn off 1000s of excess calories.

The gym company NO PAIN NO GAIN claim they are expecting a 'run on the gym' where they believe their gym will be 'filled to the brim' with angry people who 'regret' and 'lament' the number of mince pies and whiskey glasses they consumed.

A 'run on the gym' is where gyms have to shut down because people in their hundreds rush to the gym and start fighting and doing rugby tackles in order to be the first on the step machines and bikes.  The result is huge damage to the gym equipment and complete 'disorder' in the building.

A lead Fitness Trainer who specialises in Post-Christmas-Fat-Regret stated how 'moody' people can get after Christmas, 'people don't like it when they can see a muffin top or a thigh wobble. Both can be quite frightening.'

However, there is a risk that gym websites all over Britain  will 'crash' and go into  'shut down' when thousands of people in 'record breaking' numbers will decide to sign up to their local gym. Gym websites like Whales R Us, and Curves not Cakes are 'working round the clock' to ensure that their websites are up and functioning 'as normal'.