Tesco employee criticised for telling terrible joke.

Several customers started hyperventilating in Tesco after they were told that all the Turkeys had been sold out. 

Yesterday afternoon, a joke went 'horribly wrong' when a store manager at Tesco wanted to 'raise morale' amongst his staff: he decided to make a tannoy announcement that Tesco could no longer afford to sell Turkeys because of Brexit. 'I expected everyone to laugh and then carry on shopping. I mean, what have our Turkeys got to do with Brexit?'

The Tesco CEO was 'surprised' and 'alarmed' by the news, 'we take our customer care very seriously. We have launched a full scale investigation into the matter. Humour can be a dangerous thing!'

One of the customers who was rushed to A&E spoke exclusively to The Big Pickle News: 'Christmas is the most important day of the year. I put 10 hours into the stuffing balls, alone. The idea that I might not need cranberry sauce was just too much. Everything went black!'

The Tesco employee behind the 'scam' has refused to comment. On the other hand, another victim who struggled to breathe has said she'll talk 'openly' if she gets double the points and a free Turkey.

Christmas shopping BEFORE December is bad for your health!

Christmas Panic Syndrome is on the rise as more and more people start worrying about Christmas far too early- in some cases, as early as August.

 According to the World Health Organisation symptoms of Christmas Panic Syndrome include sweaty palms, a compulsion to buy EVERY PRESENT by the end of September and nightmares about having dry turkey.

A leading practitioner researching into this 'seasonal panic' refers to its 'irony',
'organised people seem to suffer the most. As soon as September comes, those who are normally calm and logical suddenly suffer heart palpitations and shortness of breath- quite often when they first watch the John Lewis advert.'

This year, many of the retail giants have competed for the 'most Christmasy' advert designed to pull on heart strings and stir emotion. And this has proven 'problematic' for people with Christmas Panic Syndrome (CPS). Another expert stated, 'people are bombarded with Christmas story after Christmas story with jumping pets and crying snowmen. These adverts bring on the symptoms and sufferers have to turn off their television sets. '

The government has 'promised' to send out leaflets offering advice on how to cope with the symptoms of CPS. Boris Johnson has offered to dress up as an elf for the front page photo of the leaflet in order to 'cheer people up'; the World Health Organisation 'strongly objects' to such an image on grounds that it might bring on several thousands of seizures around the country.