Those who hate Christmas songs 'have a high I.Q', says boring expert.

If you like Christmas songs then you have a 'cell shortage' in the brain, claims one expert who has studied Christmas cheer for more than a decade. Mr Funsponge made his announcement, today, ahead of the festive period: 'if you have lots of electrons firing in the brain it can resist Christmas songs and all their fuzziness. If you don't have many electrons, your brain will give in; it will start to find Christmas fun!'


The World Health Organisation insists that it's all 'make believe'. One medical expert spoke to our news team: 'if you don't like Christmas songs you're a grumpy old git!'

According to papers published by various health officials- 'heavy weights' in the medical community- Christmas songs release 'fuzziness' into your stomach which is released into your blood stream. One official believes 'it creates new happiness- new brain cells are bound to follow!'

However, many consider these findings 'utter nonsense!' Mr Funsponge insists no happiness can come from listening to a jolly song, 'even Elton John can't make me smile!' he said.

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A stress-free Christmas? Not on your Nellie!

Research gathered across the UK has revealed 88% of the British population want a 'stress free' Christmas, this year, but Christmas scientist tells us, 'you're better off betting on a white Christmas!'

Mr Stock-King has spent 30 years trying to find the perfect Christmas but in his academic paper his end statement was one word- 'bollocks!'

He went on, 'there are too many variables which can ruin a perfect Christmas: Turkeys can refuse to cook, presents can be hand-made and you can't take them back, 'Home Alone' can only be on ONCE, tight trousers can leave welt marks- the list is ENDLESS!'

Arthur Eczema (leading researcher in seasonal emotions) agreed, 'no amount of meditation can make you like Brussel Sprouts! No amount of yoga can make you get out of this one! Christmas might well suck but, just remember, there's always Morecambe and Wise! Who doesn't like a repeat?
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