Those who like straight lines 'could be from another planet!'

An organisation called S.C.A.T.T.Y (Severely Clumsy And Totally Talented Youngsters) has carried out a study into why some people like straight lines and the research suggests that these apparent 'oddities' might have 'extraterrestrial tendencies'.

A spokesperson at a S.C.A.T.T.Y summit gave a small talk: 'it's quite simple. Those who worship straight lines aren't normal and we believe that they either have a wiring malfunction of the brain or they're an alien!'

This talk has been considered 'hugely insightful' by one half of the planet but the other half want to have these findings 'looked into'.

Sally Nut, the lead researcher insists that their research is valid: 'we asked twenty people who shop in Tescos what they thought. We have been REALLY thorough!'

Man 'grapples' with the idea that he MIGHT NOT be right!

A man in his early forties has lost his ability to speak and can only "grunt" after a female colleague proved him wrong.

Neil Arrowgrance is now "struggling" with his pride as he's been proven to be an incorrect speller. Daisy Hegworth witnessed "the moment" at Essex County Council Headquarters. "Someone pointed out how to spell 'necessary'. Neil insisted they were wrong. Neil then looked it up on google, and then he couldn't utter a word."

Meanwhile our news team spoke to Keith Wright, expert in Self-Righteous Syndrome (the belief that one is ALWAYS in the right), who confirms that the effects of someone with SRS being proved wrong can include: "vomiting", "making attempts to eat one's hat" and "shaking".

A spokesperson from HR at Essex County Council is currently dealing with the matter: Miss Patchdit reports that "it is very difficult to help staff to overcome these problems. Mr Arrowgance is still trawling through every dictionary online- just to make sure he isn't right."