THE BIG SHOCKER- students do 'bugger all' at University.

A report compiled by the inspection company GOTCHA suggests that university students drink and waste their money on booze, clothes and a nose job- and use their parents money to do it!

The organisation STUDENT HANGOVER compiled a questionnaire which asked students how they wasted (spent) their money and the results were 'extremely worrying'.  One student spoke exclusively to The Big Pickle News, 'it's right. I do spend my money on ridiculously expensive clothes and makeup so that I can get the pout just right for Instagram. It takes a lot of time to get the colour and lighting set up. Lectures and Seminars just get in the way!'

The results were 'devastating' according to Boris who claims that they 'can't be true'.  Boris was kind enough to stop and speak with us, 'these results can't be correct. I'M the biggest time waster, I can't have these youngsters taking over my mantel. The British public have put a lot of faith in me and I certainly can't let them down!'

The Foreign Secretary has asked  STUDENT HANGOVER to review their results.

Meanwhile, more students will be asked to fill out the questionnaire in order to get a more accurate result, although many students have refused to do so as they are 'far too busy' taking several hundred selfies.