Mother makes 'shocking' revelation that she NEVER feels guilty!

Shock waves have been sent through the British public, and around the world, after a mum in Essex claims she DOES not suffer from the notoriously common 'Mummy Guilt', (when everything you say and do MUST be wrong!)

'I don't feel guilty!' stated the mother in question, who appeared on BBC's Question Time: 'I do my very best as a parent. If I make a mistake, I try and change it. I can't do any more!'

This has sparked a flourish of outcries from Mumsnet. 'Who is this crazy lady?' said one.
'EVERY mother feels guilty. That's why we blog, FFS!' said another.

Meanwhile, DADS R US- a charity willing to listen to dads who find parenting 'traumatising' have insisted, 'every good parent feels guilty. We always feel bad when we go on long 'Lads Weekends'- we ALWAYS worry how the wife is coping with the kids. That's why we never answer our texts!'

The DADS R US website has been hacked- investigations are ongoing because several mothers have owned up to it on their Facebook pages.

ASDA FIASCO caused by toddler playing with smart phone.

Yesterday, hundreds of ASDA stores were brought into chaos as card machines froze and tills shut down. 

THE BIG PICKLE NEWS can exclusively reveal that it was caused by the I.T Services Director falling asleep and leaving his smart phone (with all its system controls) in the hands of his two year old son.

Mr Grey was trying to fix some of the system failures for Asda but, like many parents, he has suffered chronic sleep deprivation. This can include symptoms such as slurring of speech, wide and confused eyes, and an inability to remember your name and address. And, therefore, the result of this condition is recurrent narcolepsy.  

Mr Grey was trying to complete some system checks on his smart phone for all the Asda stores in the South East area but then promptly fell asleep while sitting on his sofa. His wife reports that their two year old son, Tommy, then started to 'press things'. 'Tommy kept on patting the phone and shouting CEEBEBIES!' said his mum, 'I took the phone off him just in time. The water jets in every ASDA store were about to go off!'

Nevertheless, Tommy pressing every button on Mr Grey's phone caused disruption right across Great Britain. The smart phone being hammered and slobbered over resulted in customers being left stranded in stores because the sliding doors would not stop sliding open and shut for the whole afternoon. 'It was like a death trap!' one employee said, whose finger was caught in the door and now might need surgery, 'I had to get out of the store. I had to get home, things are getting good in East Enders!'