A stress-free Christmas? Not on your Nellie!

Research gathered across the UK has revealed 88% of the British population want a 'stress free' Christmas, this year, but Christmas scientist tells us, 'you're better off betting on a white Christmas!'

Mr Stock-King has spent 30 years trying to find the perfect Christmas but in his academic paper his end statement was one word- 'bollocks!'

He went on, 'there are too many variables which can ruin a perfect Christmas: Turkeys can refuse to cook, presents can be hand-made and you can't take them back, 'Home Alone' can only be on ONCE, tight trousers can leave welt marks- the list is ENDLESS!'

Arthur Eczema (leading researcher in seasonal emotions) agreed, 'no amount of meditation can make you like Brussel Sprouts! No amount of yoga can make you get out of this one! Christmas might well suck but, just remember, there's always Morecambe and Wise! Who doesn't like a repeat?
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Tesco employee criticised for telling terrible joke.

Several customers started hyperventilating in Tesco after they were told that all the Turkeys had been sold out. 

Yesterday afternoon, a joke went 'horribly wrong' when a store manager at Tesco wanted to 'raise morale' amongst his staff: he decided to make a tannoy announcement that Tesco could no longer afford to sell Turkeys because of Brexit. 'I expected everyone to laugh and then carry on shopping. I mean, what have our Turkeys got to do with Brexit?'

The Tesco CEO was 'surprised' and 'alarmed' by the news, 'we take our customer care very seriously. We have launched a full scale investigation into the matter. Humour can be a dangerous thing!'

One of the customers who was rushed to A&E spoke exclusively to The Big Pickle News: 'Christmas is the most important day of the year. I put 10 hours into the stuffing balls, alone. The idea that I might not need cranberry sauce was just too much. Everything went black!'

The Tesco employee behind the 'scam' has refused to comment. On the other hand, another victim who struggled to breathe has said she'll talk 'openly' if she gets double the points and a free Turkey.