Tesco employee criticised for telling terrible joke.

Several customers started hyperventilating in Tesco after they were told that all the Turkeys had been sold out. 

Yesterday afternoon, a joke went 'horribly wrong' when a store manager at Tesco wanted to 'raise morale' amongst his staff: he decided to make a tannoy announcement that Tesco could no longer afford to sell Turkeys because of Brexit. 'I expected everyone to laugh and then carry on shopping. I mean, what have our Turkeys got to do with Brexit?'

The Tesco CEO was 'surprised' and 'alarmed' by the news, 'we take our customer care very seriously. We have launched a full scale investigation into the matter. Humour can be a dangerous thing!'

One of the customers who was rushed to A&E spoke exclusively to The Big Pickle News: 'Christmas is the most important day of the year. I put 10 hours into the stuffing balls, alone. The idea that I might not need cranberry sauce was just too much. Everything went black!'

The Tesco employee behind the 'scam' has refused to comment. On the other hand, another victim who struggled to breathe has said she'll talk 'openly' if she gets double the points and a free Turkey.

MARMITE LOVERS GO MAD!

After last night's announcement that all supermarkets have decided to stop selling Marmite, roads have grounded to a halt as thousands have rushed to their nearest supermarket in an attempt to buy the last Marmite pot. 

Theresa May has been having emergency talks with each of the supermarket CEOs to find out what happened in their discussions with Unilever. But they all remain tight-lipped.


Meanwhile, it has been calculated that only 245 Marmite pots are left. There have been reports of the 'mad rush' where people have rugby-tackled old ladies to get hold of some Marmite. One manager at Morrisons had to call the police. 'It was terrifying! There were people trying to take selfies with the very last Marmite on the shelf.  Old men were stealing shopping bags from people's trolleys! We had to go into Lock Down!'


Last night, Tesco's CEO (Dave Simpson) announced, 'with regret we have made this decision. I can't tell you why we did it, but my book's out next month so you can read about it then.'

Unilever demonstrated more sympathy: earlier, a spokesman for the company announced that the Marmite Mourn Line would open at exactly 21.00 tonight.

'People will now have their voices heard. Soon, Marmite will no longer be in our lives and we have hired the top psychiatrists to help the British Public in their time of mourning.'



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