Dad who went to school claims he's an 'expert' in Education.

A dad in his 40s insists that the whole country MUST listen to him- he went to school and remembers what it was like. We can conclude that he MUST KNOW what he's talking about.  

He made a statement on live television: "I know how teachers teach.  I was taught many years ago.  I can still remember."

ANUT (Angry National Union of Teachers) has scathingly commented on this belief that just because you went to school it makes you an expert.  One union rep stated, "I went to my doctors surgery a lot as a kid. Does that make me a doctor?? Does it make me an expert in medicine?"

Meanwhile, the man's wife has defended his claim, "Dave's even made a Facebook page so he must know what he's doing. Although, he does keep forgetting that in his day teachers had chalk boards and a cane."

Nevertheless, the country's chief school inspector is "keenly interested" in what this "unconventional" expert has to say.  A spokesman for this chief inspector (Mr Ignoranze) said, "we are open to new suggestions to improve our Education system- several Education Secretaries haven't had a clue- so we always try and keep an open mind. We should now look at random people off the street and see them as a valuable resource."

Teacher caught dancing on the tables will be made to teach Health and Safety.

Last Thursday evening, an English teacher of ten years was caught dancing on the tables in Maldon's  'Curry Nights' restaurant. The teacher- who can not be named for legal reasons- was out on a Christmas do and one vodka led to several more and two hours later she was on the tables, and dragging her friends up to come and join her.

The Head Teacher at the local school voiced his 'outrage' at the notion that the teacher 'dared' to enjoy herself when the Christmas holidays had not yet started- AND on a school night! He stated, 'I'm speechless. She should be put back in that cupboard, at the back of the classroom, where she belongs!'

One pupil at the local school, on hearing the news, laughed so hard that he had to have stitches to put his cheeks back together.  He reportedly said, 'it's just the funniest thing I've heard in ages.  I wish more teachers would dance on tables! And why didn't someone film it?'

The school governors have been woken up from their 24 hour daily nap and have decided not to discipline Miss X but, instead, they insist that she teaches and leads the school's delivery of the GCSE in Health And Safety.

The Big Pickle News can exclusively reveal that Miss X is currently in talks with her union rep to see whether the school can, in fact, make her teach this 'Mickey Mouse' subject.

Teacher and pupils cast a snow spell.

Year 11 pupils from Maldon, in Essex, have been conducting 'an experiment' to see if a pagan snow spell actually works! 

The snow spell is expected to be a success and we should see some snow at some point during the winter months.

 A year 11 student who 'loved' the class spoke to our news team, 'it's the best lesson of the week. We don't do no writing. And Sir never has a go if we forget a pen! All we gotta do is remember to clean our cauldrons.'

The Head Teacher of Great Maldon High is reportedly 'outraged' that this underground lesson has been 'injected' into the timetable without his permission.  Plus, noone can find any evidence that it even took place. The Head's PA made a statement, 'it's been extremely difficult as the room with all these supposed cauldrons seems to have disappeared- even the caretaker can't find it.'

The teacher leading the 'unsavoury' cross curricular lesson has been suspended until further notice. One pupil at the school has insisted that it's 'all so unfair'. Another pupil said, 'we liked it! We ACTUALLY learnt something!'

When Mr Rice was questioned it was revealed that the students had become 'disillusioned' with the stress of their GCSEs, so Mr Rice  wanted to offer 'hope' and 'encouragement' by offering a lesson which would stimulate their imagination and team building skills.