Over 50% of us will suffer from Festive 'Grinch Rage', this year.

According to a study carried out by North Pole Elves, over half of us have suffered from 'uncontrollable rage' whenever we have seen Christmas 'paraphernalia' on the shop shelves, because 'it's too soon', and 'not bloody Christmas, yet!'

Symptoms of Grinch Rage can include a burning sensation under your skin (due to your blood pressure reaching boiling point), steam emitting from one's nostrils, spit flying everywhere and your eyesight being distorted by a red mist!

Nora Battie from Chelmsford says that every time she goes into Sainsbury's she has an 'uncontrollable twitch' because all she can see is advent calendars and mince pies. Yesterday, she punched a till worker because he asked if she'd 'possibly' seen the Christmas jumpers.

Dave Poorgit spoke exclusively to The Big Pickle News: 'the customer looked a bit red so I took pity on her- thought she might be going through one of those menopausal hot flushes- so I was just trying to make conversation about Chistmas.
I now need to see the dentist. URGENTLY!

Meanwhile, The World Health Organisation is 'frantically' trying to find a non drug type sedative for Grinch Rage so that shop workers can 'remain safe'. 

Woman who 'couldn't give a toss' about Christmas is suspected of being extraterrestrial!

Last night, a woman stated on Facebook that she 'couldn't give a toss about Christmas' and it sent the festive world into a spin! There's been outrage on social media and many people have had their 'Elf on the Shelf' brandishing a Pitchfork in protest. 

A Christmas expert who specialises in 'festive cheer' reported that it was 'very unusual' to be so dismissive of Christmas at this time of year. 'The woman has displayed almost psychopath tendencies.  We need to check out her DNA because something isn't right! I mean, who doesn't like Christmas? If one is not moved by Wizard's I WISH IT COULD BE CHRISTMAS EVERY DAY! then one must assume the person is suffering from seasonal flu!'

The woman, who can not be named for legal reasons, is still insisting that she said the right thing, 'Christmas is too commercialised. Elves and gaudy trees have taken over my Facebook timeline- I liked it better when it was babies and Prosecco!'

A thirty-one-year-old woman, who insists that Santa is 'alive', reacted to the woman's rant on Facebook, 'there's just no need for comments like that! I pity her, poor woman! Once she starts believing in Santa, again, she'll feel MUCH BETTER!'